A Lesson from the Stranger in the Mirror
Milestone birthdays are a time for reflection — my reflection was constantly in need of having her roots dyed. So, on my fiftieth, I made the bold decision to stop coloring my hair. Now, a year later, I don’t look like me and barely recognize the face in the mirror. The eyes are familiar, but the rest of me is fading away. For the first time since puberty, I look my age. The deep line between my eyes resembles a vending machine coin slot, the skin on my neck has come loose, and my brunette tresses are now salt and pepper gray.
My reflection wasn’t the only change. Sadly, I’d been living with two strangers, the one in the mirror and the man in my bed. Just days prior to my fifty-first birthday, my twenty-year marriage fell apart and my husband moved out. Now, my former self and my life partner were gone. My identity had been anchored in both. The more I struggled to hold onto the woman I used to be the more I broke. I had to embrace the inevitable and let it go. Now there’s just one stranger in my bed. Me.
Navigating life with grace has been an emotional battle. Every day, I question my sanity and fight the urge to make an emergency salon appointment. I’m doing my best to believe my self-worth doesn’t reside in a bottle of hair color, nor is it tethered to my relationship status. Well then, what is it tethered to?
I stumbled upon the answer unexpectedly, while rummaging through a desk drawer — in search of God knows what. I unfolded a letter my aunt sent last year. She’d written: “I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and watching you find yourself as you explore your love of storytelling. Midlife is when women step into themselves and truly discover their place in the world. You seem to have found yours.”
Tears flowed as I read, and I shuffled to the bathroom for a Kleenex. Walking past the mirror, I caught a glimpse of my beloved grandmother, and when I came face to face with myself, I was staring into my mother’s eyes. Who am I? I saw their faces in my face; heard their voices in my voice, whispering through my mind, “You are us. You are you. And you are whoever you decide to be.”
For a long minute, I examined my reflection. The sterling haired stranger in my mirror shares my life passions and yearns to step into her purpose. She seems nice. I think I’d like to get to know her a little better.
